Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge

Was this candy invented by the sewer-dwelling Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles themselves? Is Shredder somewhere on the loose in a candy factory somewhere in America? Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge is a chewy taffy bar that makes eating a “box of boogers” look safe. I’m a little bit confused about the connection between eating candy and marketing nuclear warfare (there’s a cartoonish, googly-eyed mushroom cloud on the cover resembling the destruction at Hiroshima—and boy, doesn’t that just make you want to chomp down?). But hey, candy is candy, so I ripped open the wrapper of the blue raspberry variety with hopes that this candy would not kill me. It was stretchy and chewy like a taffy should be, but I was a bit ill by the super-sour taste. But if Toxic Waste bars are meant to make you think of highly toxic chemicals in your mouth, they are right on target. This tastes like what I’d imagine sour antifreeze candy to taste like, and it’s the exact color of toilet bowl cleaner. Sour candy fans may get a kick out of this, but it tame enough that you won’t curl up in pain. Try the sour apple and cherry Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge bars for comparison, but don’t blame me if your body develops a serious chemical imbalance.

Made by Candy Dynamics in Indianapolis, Toxic Waste candy not only puts out sour taffy, but also Sour Dip & Lick Lollipops, Sour Candy Spray and Hazardous Hard Candies. What I do love about this candy is that on the wrapper, there’s a little logo that says, “Toxic Waste Candy sponsors a cleaner planet,” urging you not to litter. Now isn’t that just ironic? The crazy picture of Professor Sauernoggin (makes me think of sauerkraut) on the wrapper is also a hit.

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