Monthly Archives: November 2006

Whoppers Milkshake Strawberry

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I have just marked my calendar, for this day shall be remembered as the day my world has changed. Whoppers has done something I never thought possible. They have deviated from the master plan. They have taken some time away from my precious, and brought us something better! How in the name of G-d could they make anything better than the infamous Whopper you ask. They can’t! But they can develop something just as extraordinary. You know what, I apologize, that last bit may have been over the top, but I can’t help it when I’m munching on the new guys right now.

 

Ladies and gentleman, whoppers has reinvented the wheel. They pull back the red curtain to reveal the new “Whoppers Strawberry Milkshake Hot diggidy-dang-dong-doo! I know you’re thinking this guy has gone crazy, but this stuff is gold! I am truly the biggest fan of the original Whopper, and never did I think they could get any better. But I need to rethink my priorities with these little guys. In one fell swoop they have me rethink my entire snack food consumption. I’ve got a 10oz carton sitting in front of me and without a doubt, as bad as this might sound, I feel confident I could finish the entire thing. No joke. I have to go so I can hide these things from myself. The only thing I can rely on is my short term memory in hopes I forget where they went. You might as well hook up the I.V. and let the good times drip.

Gimbal’s Lava Balls

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Okay, by show of hands, how many people out there have ever wanted to be the guy at the circus that sticks fire in his mouth without so much as flinching over and over again? Wow, so I’m not the only one. Though I cannot condone you try what I just mentioned above, you could come about as close as you could ever want by popping a few of Gimbals Lava Balls in your mouth and holding them there as long as you can. Oh God it burns!!!

These marble sized candies seem innocent enough, but once you actually bite into them it’s like someone let loose a flamethrower on your taste buds. I am a big fan of the atomic fireball jawbreakers, but these little hot bombs give the reigning king of mouth pain a run for its’ money. The candy is soft and easy to chew (similar to soft sour balls) but once in your mouth for 10 seconds you will notice the difference between a hard fire ball and a soft lava ball. The lava ball breaks down in your mouth and is coated with flamin hot candy; conversely, the hard atomic fireball can be moved around a bit with your tongue to avoid pain. The taste is pleasurable for sure but the pain that follows is not for the faint of heart! If you’re feeling brave, try a few yourself. Just be sure you’re within arms length of the nearest fire extinguisher.

Abba Zaba

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It’s Friday! It’s 5pm! FREE! The weekend is here and it is time to rejoice! So you call up your usual band of friends. Come to find out they’ve all made plans without you. You have been put in a situation where you need that special someone you can always count on to be there for you. Through thick and thin. Through the good times and the bad. Through all life’s trials and tribulations. Yup, you’ve guessed it. Abba Zaba, you my only friend! This is hands down, bar none, no contest, the definition of “old school classic candy bar???. Predating the popularity of the mainstream candy bars by over half a century. Abba Zaba is thick chewy taffy covered in rich creamy peanut butter. Created in the early 1920’s and besting it’s competitors on every snack food level. Not only is it genius in flavor, but it is also high in protein!

Now we all have our own ways about how we as individuals consume our meals and treats, but if I may be so bold as to lend you an inside trade on how I like to do things, this is something I highly recommend. If you have time, and either are in the comforts of your home or near a microwave, first open the Abba Zaba on one end. Place it in the middle of the microwave and set the timer for “approx 7 seconds???. Once done, open the wrapper all the way and let the taffy and peanut butter take you to the days where good times are had by all. To the memories of a forgotten age. To ancient lands far away, where unicorns and wildebeests run free. The Abba Zaba has an effect on the human brain no other candy bar can achieve. It’s something we can all appreciate and afford. This is the middle class working man’s most admired companion. It wont leave you hanging when the world has got you down. It will stand beside you and lift your spirits to new horizons. It will let its voice ring louder than liberty herself. Yes, It is Abba Zaba!

Doschers Vanilla French Chew Taffy

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Wow, I really enjoyed eating this candy. It tastes just like vanilla and the chewy satisfaction you get from each bite could turn a bad day into a good one. This candy looks almost like another favorite of mine, the Abba Zabba, the only thing missing is the peanut butter candy in the middle. I however was not disappointed. I also noticed some funny instructions on the wrapper. It says to “strike on hard surface to break into bite size pieces???. Never before had I been instructed by a piece of candy to physically strike another object, which I found pretty humorous. At first I was going to follow orders and strike my fellow co-worker in the back of the skull but I came to the conclusion that Doschers probably would not advocate this kind of violent behavior. I then proceeded to walk outside and throw my Vanilla chew at the sidewalk. I don’t think it was a hard enough surface though because it didn’t break!! It’s taffy for crying out loud, who are they trying to kid? Returning in vain to my office space, I decided to go against the grain and just unwrap the thing and eat it while it was still in one piece. And I don’t regret it at all. Not even a little.

Chuckles Revisited

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Another reviewer wanted to voice his opinion on Chuckles.  Here you go…Sometimes great sacrifice or meditation can be the key to a person’s inner happiness. Sometimes it’s chewy fruit flavored gumdrops. I found that Chuckles gumdrops are actually not that funny. They have some serious fruit flavor hidden beneath their wrapper. I counted several different flavors including the token black licorice flavor. It kind of threw me for a loop because I was expecting it to be grape flavored judging by the color. Surprise!! Chuckles have a good thing going because they are part gumdrop and part jellybean, a sort of, candy hybrid if you will, perhaps a new class of candy all together. I can see it now. Make way planet earth, for the stunning fruit taste of the future of candy……..the Jelly-drop. These little bite sized treats were pleasing to the pallet, but I was suddenly overtaken with urge to go floss my teeth.

Banana Split

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When someone mentions the heavenly creation known as a banana split, I picture three scoops of ice cream covered with chocolate syrup with a cherry on top all perfectly placed smack in the middle of a split banana. The mental picture alone almost makes me feel guilty enough to go to the gym. Little did I know that you could cram that entire delicious flavor into a 1??? piece of chewy taffy goodness. But Necco, the candy company responsible for the likes of Mary Jane’s has accomplished just that. If it smells like a banana and tastes like a banana then it must be a banana right? Nine times out of ten you would be correct, but this little yellow chunk of taffy could fool your brain into thinking your eating a scrumptious old-fashioned banana split if you were blindfolded. I really enjoyed this candy; the only sad part for me was that I only had the one piece to enjoy. Can I have some more please?

Bubble Juice

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The first thing that caught my attention about this product is the unique choice for the packaging. Boasting that these little bubble gum nuggets are made with real fruit juice, the marketing department must have made the decision to put them in what looks like a miniaturized juice box. The gum itself comes in a form that looks just like the little blue pebbles that belong on the bottom of a fish tank. Thankfully they taste a little bit better then that, just not for very long. The flavor was gone in what seemed like less then a minute, and after that I could have been chewing on a pencil eraser for all I knew. At least the “juice carton??? packaging it came in had a word jumble game on the side to distract me from realizing how quickly the flavor was gone. To top it all off the gum turned my entire mouth blue for about an hour and a half. Other than that this gum was okay but there is a whole lot of other bubble gum I would purchase before buying this brand and it’s gimmick-laden packaging.

Mary Janes

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Few things can stand the withering test of time. But there are some candy recipes that are so special that as the years go by they taste just as good as they did back when you were a child. Mary Jane’s are one of those special treats that has achieved this feat, and will be here for a long time coming. Even the wrapper has not been altered since the first batch was distributed in 1914.

This delicious morsel assaulted my taste buds with it’s one of a kind peanut butter and molasses flavor, something that sounds so incredibly simple but tastes so good. It’s chewy like a piece of taffy but just as easily able to be rolled up and savored if you so desire. Believe it or not, it was originally named after the creators’ favorite aunt! Talk about leaving a mark on society long after you’re gone! Sometimes sticking to the basics is the best, and with the century mark coming up for the little candy that could, there’s no need to change a thing. Mary Jane’s are still a candy that both young and old can enjoy together.

Sour Skittles

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Pucker up sucker! I have been a huge Skittles fan ever since I was old enough to chew solids. My mother actually used to feed them to me when I was crying to keep me quiet so she could watch Three’s Company in peace. Perhaps that is the real reason why I am a diabetic, but that is neither here nor there. As I sampled the new sour flavored Skittles I knew right away that holding a conversation with anyone while eating them could result in a skittle flavored spittle catastrophe, and should be avoided at all costs. Your salivary glands will be kicked into overdrive the second you pop a few of these bad boys in your mouth. The familiar candy coated fruity goodness is back, but the unique sour crystals coating the outside will surely deliver a swift kick to the pants. Be on the look out for the ever-elusive “ice-cream??? flavor. (I will find you.)

Whatchamacallit

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Never before had I experienced such a scrumptious chocolate treat than the day I bit into my first Whatchamacallit. Which, if you want to get technical, was about five minutes ago. I was pleasantly surprised nonetheless. The chocolate seemed to be almost secondary to the smooth layers of caramel complemented by the crunchy wafer-like center. My eyes rolled back in pure ecstasy as I took one satisfyingly chewy bite after another. As I slipped into a psychedelic coma of wondrous joy, I found I couldn’t figure out what exactly it was about this delicacy that could make a person become so overwhelmed with the excitement you never want to end. I was on cloud nine about to hit ten when, like all good things must, my moment of bliss sadly slipped away when I realized that I had finished the entire candy bar, and was now licking the wrapper. Scrapping every inch of that plastic with my tongue, trying desperately to get every last piece of the candy bar in my mouth to sustain the high. But eventually I had to proceed to my fate. You, my friends, may call it whatever you please. I will call it exactly what it is. Delicious.